my darling hadley,
as I rocked you to sleep tonight less than a week before your first birthday, I couldn’t contain the tears. and again, the small lump in my throat that forms as I put this experience into words. your life has brought me the greatest joy. your sweet, perfect face resting on my shoulder while you babble on about your day through your pacifier. tonight, just like almost every night when I rock you to sleep, that tiny hand that refuses to hold your bottle plays with my necklace. I don’t mind at all, I don’t mind you playing with it, pulling yourself up on it, or trying to eat it. and I look forward to our snuggles, the milky, slobbery kisses that I get only when we are alone rocking in that chair in your room. those kisses are everything.
even though my thoughts are scattered and I’ll probably sob through this entire thing (who knew I’d be such a sap), I love you doesn’t seem like the right words, it’s more than love, how do you explain something I never knew existed until I saw you for the first time? I love you more every day. Sometimes I stare at you and wonder how can I possibly love anyone or anything more than I love her right this moment. And then tomorrow comes and my love for you is even deeper.
this life-changing trip around the sun has made me love our Jesus more. it has brought me to my knees more times than I can count, praising Him for the gift of your life.
how I would love for you to stay little forever, to yell ma and babble on and giggle when I say ouchie, but oh how I can’t wait to see how you grow. to see the girl you grow up to be.
I pray every day that I can be a good shepherd to you, that you can show me how to love our Father more, that your life will be pleasing to Him and that you, my darling baby girl, that you will be on fire for Jesus.
I hope that you’ll experience this feeling, because having a huge piece of my heart crawling around the floor of our home and touching everything in reach is life altering. I don’t know how to say it any other way. This has been the best year of my life (by far one of the hardest, but so worth it).
you’re so silly. I can’t help to think that came from me! it makes me laugh when you make funny faces and learn new sounds that you can make. that you giggle (oh that laugh makes my heart sing) when I pretend to eat your pacifier and that belly laugh that I get to hear when I tickle under your chin. how blessed am I that I can be here with you, that I can watch you grow and learn, take care of you when you feel bad and make you laugh.
His plan is far better than mine.
You are wonderful. You are beautiful. You are smart. You are kind. You can do anything. You are His.
i love you kid.